We could have lost our Mommy all over again. We might have lost you this time, too."She took a deep breath. "I want to be punished. I need it for me. I want to know that you love me enough to punish me and in doing that forgive me." I want you to punish me, too, Dad." They were both sitting on the bed looking down.I looked at Laura. "You're their mother, what do you think?" I am tempted to let them stew in the hurt they have. However, they need absolution from you and, though painful, they should receive it." I will punish you but it will be only a token. The real absolution for the heartache you caused will only be from within as you live a learned lesson." I sat down on the bed and pulled April over my knee. I gave her one hard spank. I helped her up and said, "Go, shower, dress, and get some breakfast."I said, "May." She lay over my lap and also received a hard spank. She stood up. She was rubbing her bottom and tears were in her eyes. "Same instructions for you. Go now." She. She was sitting on her big bed in a one of her special long nightgowns. We got under the covers and I burrowed into her side like I used to do when I was little. She cuddled me and kissed me on the lips. I felt her body as a woman, not a mother. I recognized how sensual she was, even at her age. I was both repulsed and excited by my feelings of taboo excitement.“Are you going to keep seeing Rudy?” she asked me.“I’m not sure,” I said. “Are you going to sleep with him again?”“I don’t know. It depends on you. I won’t do anything to hurt you.”I held her tighter and pressed my lips to hers to see how she would react. She put her hands on my shoulders and squeezed.“I’m your mother, Johanna,” she said. “I’m not your lover. But I’ll always love you. Remember that. Always.”Sometimes I dream of Mom and when I do, I always hear her saying that to me. * Rudolf, Mom, and I worked it out that summer after my freshman year. I ran into him a few days later by the Union. I saw him out of the corner.
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